Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Taking Out the Trash--Harder Than it Seems

There's not really an easy way to explain this, so I'll just get right into it: my roommate doesn't flush his toilet paper. In fact, it doesn't even make its way into the toilet. Instead he carefully folds the soiled paper into neat squares and places them in the waste basket NEXT to the toilet. I've heard that this is a common practice in parts of Mexico, or in certain 3rd world countries where the plumbing is, apparently, only capable of flushing the poo. Last I checked though, Utah is not a 3rd world country. I could be wrong.

Now, the waste basket is just one of those tiny bathroom-sized baskets, which are designed to take in the occasional bathroom refuse, because bathrooms only OCCASIONALLY create refuse. An empty shampoo bottle, floss from that one time last year that you decided to floss, etc. They are not designed to hold massive amounts of poopy and bloody/snotty toilet paper. No problem, you say. Certainly your roommate is kind enough to remove his own fecal matter from the bathroom once the garbage is full, right? WRONG.

Instead, he ties off the bag that is full (he uses the plastic bags they put your groceries in, so thumbs up for recycling), and places it next to the waste basket. Pretty soon one tied-off bag became two, two became three, etc. until there were (get this): FIVE FULL BAGS OF POOPY TOILET PAPER SITTING ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR.

Now, I've always had a thing about doing your part when it comes to roommate living situations. Unfortunately my willingness to "do my part" has often been translated by my roommates to mean, "Stephen is our maid." At least in my current living situation, its like I'm playing the part of Mother to a bunch of adolescent douche bags.

So back to the five bags. I had decided that I was going to put my foot down. I wasn't going to just keep doing the chores that clearly did not apply to me. I was going to wait for him to take them out. But when it got to five, I couldn't stand to have them in the bathroom any more, so I stacked them up outside his bedroom door. Yes, I truly am the master of subtle hints.

Later that day I got home from school and found that the bags were gone! He had taken them out to the trashcan! I secretly felt proud that my roommate had actually DONE SOMETHING that wasn't totally self absorbed and lazy. Later I left to go to the gym and decided to go out the back door, only to find that the five bags had been half-heartedly tossed onto the back porch/back yard, which means my roommate took the bags, went up the stairs, and threw them out the back door. I could understand such laziness if, lets say, the garbage can was 2 miles away and getting there meant walking the whole way. But no, the garbage can is probably 20-30 feet from the back porch. The snow has all melted, and it's really quite a pleasant walk.

This was 2 weeks ago. The five bags of poopy garbage still sit on the back porch, now accompanied by other bags of trash that my other roommates have placed there. And why not? They all know that eventually I'll crack and clean up everything for them.

I hate my roommates.

Side Note: The poopy TP roommate has officially decided to get a dog. Because he's proven to be a real responsible individual, he should definitely be caring for animals. HE CAN'T EVEN CLEAN UP HIS OWN POOP, AND NOW HE THINKS HE CAN CLEAN UP FOR SOMEONE ELSES????


My name is Patrick. said...

Move out immediately. My roommate got a dog, it has been a huge disaster. Combine that with poop, there is serious problems ahead.

Dawn and Jon said...

I can't believe you have to live with that. Unbelievable!

Teresa thinks thoughts said...