It's that time of the year again folks! Time for the greatest single elimination tournament in the history of our solar system, March Madness!
Yesterday I was watching ESPN when the so called "experts" revealed the bracket and gave their experty opinions on the match ups. It basically turned into a giant "who can kiss Bob Knight's butt the most" contest, with Jay Bilas coming in a close second to Hubert Davis. I can't blame them. When I saw Bob Knight at the Portland Airport a few months ago I felt the presence of something that can only be described as pure evil. I can't even imagine having to sit next to him for an extended period of time. Digger Phelps was the only one who seemed to actually challenge Knight from time to time, which only goes to show that Digger Phelps obviously doesn't value his life very much.
That being said, Bob Knight was the only "expert" who had the testicular fortitude to make some daring picks. After the other guys got done earning their six figure incomes by telling us that a bunch of number one and two seeds would make it to the final four, Knight went out on a limb and chose Pitt to make it to the final game. That's got to feel nice if you're Pitt, except when you realize that Knight is in direct legion with the devil himself. Oh well, Satan likes your chances at least.
But let's just forget about the "experts" why don't we. They're always way too safe, and way too wrong. If your looking for truly insightful, and truly true-y picks, then you've come to the right place. Let's get down to some predictions:
EAST
North Carolina is the obvious choice coming out of the East region. They've only lost only two games all season, despite playing a tough schedule. Unfortunately All-American forward Tyler Hansbrough is the recipient of this year's prestigious "Player-I-Most-Want-To-Punch-In-The-Face" award. Hansbrough plays hard. Out of his mind actually. He reminds me of Adam Morrison last year: hyper-competitive, and partially insane (not to mention unathletic and a future NBA bust). Hansbrough's Tar Heels lose in the 2nd round to Indiana, and we get to watch him cry about it on national television. Washington State comes out of the East.
MIDWEST
Kansas squeaks away with a quintuple overtime win vs. Portland State in the first round, and ends up losing to Vanderbilt in the Elite Eight. Vandy to the Final Four!
SOUTH
Memphis proves just how crappy Conference USA is by losing badly to Michigan State in the Sweet 16. Unfortunately, Drew Neitzel finally comes clean about his Nazi ancestry and current ties to the KKK. Bad karma surrounds the team, they lose to Texas who makes it out of the South.
WEST
There are a couple things I don't like to see on basketball players. Headbands normally look goofy, these things, gelled up hair do's, and really bad facial hair.
When I watch UCLA's Kevin Love play, I'm simply cannot get over the fact that he has a really really ridiculous looking chin-strap looking beardy thing.
Just because you can grow facial hair doesn't mean you should. And Kevin Love definitely
shouldn't. They lose in the 2nd round to BYU, who makes it all the way to the Final Four.
I will give my Final Four predictions later in the Tournament, but just remember: BYU, Texas, Vandy, and Washington State. You heard it hear first folks.
And just to sweeten the deal, make sure to sign up for ESPN's Bracket Challenge, and join my group, State of the Stephen Bracket Challenge. If you win I'll send you your very own State of the Stephen T-Shirt, and several strands of my hair so you can clone me and use me as a slave around the house.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Taking Out the Trash--Harder Than it Seems
There's not really an easy way to explain this, so I'll just get right into it: my roommate doesn't flush his toilet paper. In fact, it doesn't even make its way into the toilet. Instead he carefully folds the soiled paper into neat squares and places them in the waste basket NEXT to the toilet. I've heard that this is a common practice in parts of Mexico, or in certain 3rd world countries where the plumbing is, apparently, only capable of flushing the poo. Last I checked though, Utah is not a 3rd world country. I could be wrong.
Now, the waste basket is just one of those tiny bathroom-sized baskets, which are designed to take in the occasional bathroom refuse, because bathrooms only OCCASIONALLY create refuse. An empty shampoo bottle, floss from that one time last year that you decided to floss, etc. They are not designed to hold massive amounts of poopy and bloody/snotty toilet paper. No problem, you say. Certainly your roommate is kind enough to remove his own fecal matter from the bathroom once the garbage is full, right? WRONG.
Instead, he ties off the bag that is full (he uses the plastic bags they put your groceries in, so thumbs up for recycling), and places it next to the waste basket. Pretty soon one tied-off bag became two, two became three, etc. until there were (get this): FIVE FULL BAGS OF POOPY TOILET PAPER SITTING ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR.
Now, I've always had a thing about doing your part when it comes to roommate living situations. Unfortunately my willingness to "do my part" has often been translated by my roommates to mean, "Stephen is our maid." At least in my current living situation, its like I'm playing the part of Mother to a bunch of adolescent douche bags.
So back to the five bags. I had decided that I was going to put my foot down. I wasn't going to just keep doing the chores that clearly did not apply to me. I was going to wait for him to take them out. But when it got to five, I couldn't stand to have them in the bathroom any more, so I stacked them up outside his bedroom door. Yes, I truly am the master of subtle hints.
Later that day I got home from school and found that the bags were gone! He had taken them out to the trashcan! I secretly felt proud that my roommate had actually DONE SOMETHING that wasn't totally self absorbed and lazy. Later I left to go to the gym and decided to go out the back door, only to find that the five bags had been half-heartedly tossed onto the back porch/back yard, which means my roommate took the bags, went up the stairs, and threw them out the back door. I could understand such laziness if, lets say, the garbage can was 2 miles away and getting there meant walking the whole way. But no, the garbage can is probably 20-30 feet from the back porch. The snow has all melted, and it's really quite a pleasant walk.
This was 2 weeks ago. The five bags of poopy garbage still sit on the back porch, now accompanied by other bags of trash that my other roommates have placed there. And why not? They all know that eventually I'll crack and clean up everything for them.
I hate my roommates.
Side Note: The poopy TP roommate has officially decided to get a dog. Because he's proven to be a real responsible individual, he should definitely be caring for animals. HE CAN'T EVEN CLEAN UP HIS OWN POOP, AND NOW HE THINKS HE CAN CLEAN UP FOR SOMEONE ELSES????
Now, the waste basket is just one of those tiny bathroom-sized baskets, which are designed to take in the occasional bathroom refuse, because bathrooms only OCCASIONALLY create refuse. An empty shampoo bottle, floss from that one time last year that you decided to floss, etc. They are not designed to hold massive amounts of poopy and bloody/snotty toilet paper. No problem, you say. Certainly your roommate is kind enough to remove his own fecal matter from the bathroom once the garbage is full, right? WRONG.
Instead, he ties off the bag that is full (he uses the plastic bags they put your groceries in, so thumbs up for recycling), and places it next to the waste basket. Pretty soon one tied-off bag became two, two became three, etc. until there were (get this): FIVE FULL BAGS OF POOPY TOILET PAPER SITTING ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR.
Now, I've always had a thing about doing your part when it comes to roommate living situations. Unfortunately my willingness to "do my part" has often been translated by my roommates to mean, "Stephen is our maid." At least in my current living situation, its like I'm playing the part of Mother to a bunch of adolescent douche bags.
So back to the five bags. I had decided that I was going to put my foot down. I wasn't going to just keep doing the chores that clearly did not apply to me. I was going to wait for him to take them out. But when it got to five, I couldn't stand to have them in the bathroom any more, so I stacked them up outside his bedroom door. Yes, I truly am the master of subtle hints.
Later that day I got home from school and found that the bags were gone! He had taken them out to the trashcan! I secretly felt proud that my roommate had actually DONE SOMETHING that wasn't totally self absorbed and lazy. Later I left to go to the gym and decided to go out the back door, only to find that the five bags had been half-heartedly tossed onto the back porch/back yard, which means my roommate took the bags, went up the stairs, and threw them out the back door. I could understand such laziness if, lets say, the garbage can was 2 miles away and getting there meant walking the whole way. But no, the garbage can is probably 20-30 feet from the back porch. The snow has all melted, and it's really quite a pleasant walk.
This was 2 weeks ago. The five bags of poopy garbage still sit on the back porch, now accompanied by other bags of trash that my other roommates have placed there. And why not? They all know that eventually I'll crack and clean up everything for them.
I hate my roommates.
Side Note: The poopy TP roommate has officially decided to get a dog. Because he's proven to be a real responsible individual, he should definitely be caring for animals. HE CAN'T EVEN CLEAN UP HIS OWN POOP, AND NOW HE THINKS HE CAN CLEAN UP FOR SOMEONE ELSES????
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