Some Things Are Not-So-Intelligently Designed

In the 5th grade, Mrs. Scott used to always tell Bret Walton and I that we were too negative. Apparently I was a real downer as a 10 year old. I'd like to think I've changed some since then, I mean, I'm a relatively pleasant person these days. I smile and say nice things to people--you know, the usual.

But I was just sitting here thinking about how I needed to go to the bathroom, but I really don't want to. Sometimes I love going to the bathroom (like at work, when it means getting up and not working. Also, no one can tell you to get back to work either, because they might not like your bathroom breaks, but they'd like it even less if you crapped all over the place.). So, I'm not trying to be negative here, I'm just thinking that if I were God, I would have designed the body a little bit differently. Here's just a few ideas I came up with:

First of all, no more NRB's. NRB is a term that I heard for the first time from my friend Morgan that means "no reason boners." NRB's aren't a problem anymore (luckily), but there was a solid 2 year period (1994-1996ish) when my body decided it was important to test out its boner capabilities every hour or so. It is the weirdest involuntary response you can have, plus you're 12 and already weird and awkward, having that thing poking around doesn't help any.

In fact, lets do away with puberty all together. No more sweaty stinky armpits, no more hair in weird places, and definitely, DEFINITELY no more NRB's.

Second, I'm kind of tired of pooping. There is literally nothing good that can happen as a result of pooping. You're hands are filthy afterwards, you've just wasted 3 cents worth of good paper, and the bathroom now smells like, well, poop. Pooping is out.

This reminds me, I've got an idea that I want to patent and develop, because it would make me the richest man alive. It's a pill that you take that makes your farts smell good. There would be different scents of course, like the scented candles. You could be on a crowded, stinky bus, fart really loudly, and actually have people thank you for freshening up the place. I think I'd be inclined to have my farts smell like Vanilla, but I'm not sure.

What would YOU change about our biological nature if you could?